Feeling Guilty

I miss Mike. I really do. I miss his voice. His laugh. His perspective. His wacky sense of humor and the way he could make me see irrational things rationally. I miss his calming touch. His hair. His eyes. His feet. I miss his freakin feet. I wonder,,does he think about me? Us? Does he have moments of drifting in his own memory palace? Has he gotten over me? Was there anything to even get over? Do we really ever get over someone? Do we? I don't know that I want to. I know I should. I know I will fight it. He's perfect. Others are flawed. Can another fill those shoes? Will I let them? Too soon I guess. Way too soon. Laughter finds me a bit more often now than it did two months ago. A start. I'm harder,,tougher,,more jaded. Forged in the fire. A no nonsense Martha with a hardened heart. Except,,every now and then I catch a glimpse of softness. Just a glimpse. Robert is still hovering. How unfair of me to compare the two,,but I do. Daily. Hourly. Possibly I should enter a convent and just give up on men. Nahhhhhhhhhh. Not for me. Time heals all wounds they say. Don't know who the infernal "they" are,,just hope they're right on this one. I need time. Or Mike. I'd prefer Mike. I'll get time. Sigh.