I dreamed of him last night. The first dream in over a month. I woke up screaming and drenched in sweat at 3am. Coffee is good at that hour. A full moon. A sunrise. I got to work early. Had a freakishly hellish day. Crawled home to my Maggie and my Beast and good drugs that will hopefully deliver sleep without dreams. There is a huge void in me right now. I can't find the energy or desire to fill it. Robert wants to fill it. I won't let myself see him as an adequate replacement. I don't want a replacement. Hell I don't really even want the void filled I don't think. Part of me needs to hurt with him. The pain is real. Nothing else in life seems real right now. Let sleep find me. "Denial is not just a river in Egypt. It's a freakin ocean".