Not so "Ken" after all,,,
Ok. So I've been wrong before and will be wrong again I'm sure. I was incredibly wrong on this one. He's no boy scout. He's not a Ken doll either. He's bygod for real, for now. He just needed a little confidence. Apparently he gets his confidence with acceptance and encouragement. He's been amazing. I've been here before with others and seen them walk away without looking back but somehow I think this one might be different. For now. I know,,tentative,,but those construction workers in charge of my walls are costing me a bloody fortune these days and my psyche just can't keep paying them to rebuild what I allow to be destroyed so I'm going slow and keeping it casual. Sort of. As casual as I can with someone that I can't seem to get enough of and want to know every single cell and thought and witness every breath and ,,you get the picture. I'm bordering on addiction to a freakin blonde man. Blonde. I like it.
Tomorrow he's coming to spend the day. We're watching football,,YES,,and working in the yard,,un hunh,,,building a fire pit,,and having some friends over. Our friends. Mutual friends. This is so weird. Isn't life grand?
The flip side to this,,I was working in the garage this week and found the picture I had done in Vegas. The nude. In the same folder was the picture of Mike. Damn he's beautiful. It was a bit like a slap but in a good way. Bittersweet. Tears for what was and will not be. Came in and listened to his CD,,let his voice re-imprint in my memory palace. Peaceful sadness,,sweet sweet beautiful sorrow. I pray he's ok. That life is being kind to him. I'll always love him. Always want him. Always miss him. My Mike.
Work is still numbing. ICU is actually a relief. The floor is about to kill me. The only bright spot is Robert being there. I'll be sinking into the mire and he'll appear and smile and life is better and work is tolerable and the day somehow comes to an end. One more day off and then back at it. Horrors.
Bubble bath calling. Clean soft sheets are waiting. I think sleep will find me tonite.
Tomorrow he's coming to spend the day. We're watching football,,YES,,and working in the yard,,un hunh,,,building a fire pit,,and having some friends over. Our friends. Mutual friends. This is so weird. Isn't life grand?
The flip side to this,,I was working in the garage this week and found the picture I had done in Vegas. The nude. In the same folder was the picture of Mike. Damn he's beautiful. It was a bit like a slap but in a good way. Bittersweet. Tears for what was and will not be. Came in and listened to his CD,,let his voice re-imprint in my memory palace. Peaceful sadness,,sweet sweet beautiful sorrow. I pray he's ok. That life is being kind to him. I'll always love him. Always want him. Always miss him. My Mike.
Work is still numbing. ICU is actually a relief. The floor is about to kill me. The only bright spot is Robert being there. I'll be sinking into the mire and he'll appear and smile and life is better and work is tolerable and the day somehow comes to an end. One more day off and then back at it. Horrors.
Bubble bath calling. Clean soft sheets are waiting. I think sleep will find me tonite.
posted by just me at 7:41 PM
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